Loss overall is never an easy circumstance to navigate. This can come in many shapes and forms, mainly because what we define as loss is entirely subjective- it's personal to us based on our experiences with and the depths of our feelings toward whatever it is we find ourselves lacking. Some of the most common losses are those of relationships, the death of a loved one or even the loss of self. In recovery especially, loss can be felt on so many levels and because we are no longer numb, that loss can hurt like none other.
By the time I was beaten down enough to seek a different solution for my life, I certainly didn’t recognize myself. My physical appearance in regards to my health were on a fast-track to deterioration; I was sick, I looked sick and didn’t know how to get better. When it comes healing, I like to see it as a rebuilding process- the foundation of who we are is always there, even if it’s covered and buried by the debris of the wreckage of our pasts, it’s there. Getting back to bottom floor, carefully straightening up and working to rebuild again is a long and arduous process but it also teaches a vital lesson that we can carry forward to other facets of life; no matter how far we think we have fallen, what we think we have lost can, in most instances, be regained.
As we go through life, our experiences shape not only our perception of the world but the resilience in which we face life’s everyday challenges. When I look back at the last year of my life in comparison to all the ones before it, I can finally smile. See, there was a time when I felt irrevocably stuck- trapped, even. All I wanted day in and day out was a chance to hit the reset button- a chance I was finally awarded in recovery.
As it relates to alcoholics and addicts, our drug of choice was at one time one of the greatest discoveries we had ever made. Anxieties were eased, fears diminished and sometimes even just existing in our own skin was somehow more manageable. However, as the story always goes, it works until it doesn’t anymore. Though I still had it in my head that getting sober was the end of all things enjoyable for me, I can honestly say that my life has turned around in ways I never thought possible.
1. Self Acceptance
First and most importantly, I can look myself in the mirror. It’s no secret that addiction is a monster that transforms some of the most beautiful lives into chaos and ruin; I certainly found it to be true. I no longer recognized who I was anymore and what I did see flat out disgusted me. Getting sober felt like losing an old friend, I’ll admit, but in the process, I found myself and that gain is immeasurable.